Earlier this month, I did a 5k race called “The Dream Dash” in memory of my friend, Joe Manfreda, who died unexpectedly when we were juniors in high school.

It was the first one I’ve run in a few years due to my own health challenges coupled with the Covid-19 pandemic. But when I signed up, I honestly wasn’t sure I’d be able to complete the full distance.  

Because of my health issues, I have been prone to extreme fatigue and stomach pain, so I half anticipated that attempting this might trigger some symptoms, or possibly fainting. I asked my partner Bradley to keep his phone with him just in case.

We took it slow, walking almost the entire way, but we jogged short distances when I felt like I could. Somehow, and I’m still surprised, I got to the finish line. 

To do it though, I couldn’t push myself too hard. 

I had to respect and acknowledge my body’s limitations, and go at my own pace. 

Had I pushed myself harder than my body was ready for, it would’ve ended quickly.

Rewind to a week before the race, when I received a bit of advice that I thought was purely metaphorical, but turned out to be VERY literal too.  

I’m paraphrasing here but in short it said, 

“Be more gentle with yourself…sometimes you feel you should be ‘further ahead’ than where you are right now, and that’s not the case… It’s as if you’re running a race where everyone is on the road but you’re on a treadmill. 

You’re working extra hard, running your heart out, trying to “catch up” with others and wasting precious energy and focus – but you’re exactly where you are meant to be… stop working so hard, and simply step off the treadmill to run your own race. Cheer on those who are running with you, either passing you or you passing them, but don’t compare yourself to them.

Fast forward back to the 5k. 

There was certainly a part of me that wanted to push myself to my limit. I’ve pushed myself in many areas of my life before, and honestly, it can backfire badly. 

So this time, with the advice in mind, I pushed myself a bit, but not enough to hurt myself, and I compassionately reminded myself that whatever I could do was enough.

After a while, I was shocked when my partner and I approached the end of the race. I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it that far. 

As we jogged over the finish line, I glanced up at the big timer to see my end time for the race: 42 minutes. 

For context, my friend Joe, who was a cross country/track athlete, had a record somewhere around 19 or 20 minutes. Less than half my end time.

Now, I could’ve chosen to feel shame over my 42 minutes. But I know and accept that that’s my pace, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

Sure, maybe I can’t run as fast as I used to, or as fast as some other people my age/size/whatever. But I CANNOT let that ruin my experience in showing up to honor my friend.

My level of ability or lack thereof is no reason to not show up to the race at all. I get to show up in whatever capacity I want to, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even if I hadn’t been able to complete the race, even if I just stood or sat at the finish line to cheer for others, any form of participation would be acceptable and wonderful because it would be my way, my pace, in a form that respects my limits and safety.

I’m reminding myself that I can be proud of myself for showing up, regardless of how I “perform.”

There was no shame in being passed by other runners, because their run had nothing to do with mine. They get to have a run, I get to have a walk. Hopefully we both get have some fresh air and enjoy it, and I get to be happy for them and their journey regardless of how it differs from mine. 

P.c. Roseville Community Schools

It was a good feeling: To finish and not be worried about how others were doing (except in a playful fashion at times!).

I am so grateful…

• to my body for allowing me to do what I could. 
• for my partner being with me and making sure I was okay, both physically and emotionally.
• to my friend Joe, who I imagine supported all of his loved ones through the race. 
• and to the friend who reminded me, with exceptionally good timing, that I am exactly where I’m meant to be, and it’s okay to go at my own pace. 

In summary

If you ever feel like you’re “running behind” or “trying to catch up,” odds are you’re running a metaphorical race of your own. 

Take a break for a moment. Catch your breath and remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be. You are where you are, and that’s okay. There is no need to hurt yourself to try to catch up to someone who is running a race that is separate from your own. 

You have a greater chance of finishing your own race if you go at your own pace, respect your limits, and be kind to yourself in the process..

That will beat exhausting ourselves and burning out in the first half-mile every single time.   

Be gentle, my friends.

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Cheers, 

Morgan Rita Barbret