All human beings share a basic and common desire: the desire to be loved. Luckily for us, there are plenty of things we can give over and over again to help fulfill this desire for others (without ever running out!). 

Because we have the capacity to give in ways that help others feel loved, each of us always has the power to give something that other people want. This is a beautiful thing, and I believe this is one of the many reasons each human being is inherently valuable. 

No matter your circumstances, no matter what you’ve been through, what people say about you, or how badly you feel about yourself, you are still able to provide something of value to others whenever you choose. 

In this post, I’ll list a number of things we can always “give” to help other people feel loved.

These are things you can give from a place of abundance. In other words, you can give these things over and over again, and always trust that there will be more wherever it came from.

The type of giving I highlight in this post does not require money, things, or even relationships. 

All you need is yourself, and all it takes is the decision to give. 

I hope you choose to give knowing that it demonstrates other people are worthy of love. And when you do, notice the positive effect giving to others has on you; because the more you give of these things, the more they will make their way back to you. 

Before Choosing What and When to Give, Consider This…

It is both respectful and loving to consider the comfort levels and preferences of the person/people whom you are “giving” to.

There are times when asking a simple question like “Are you comfortable with _____?” followed by “I want to respect your preferences,” can help prevent potential miscommunications and show that you genuinely care about the comfort and happiness of others. This isn’t always necessary, but I’d recommend asking these questions when it comes to any sort of physical closeness.

Also, when giving, try to pay attention to how the other person responds to whatever you’ve given. If they seem to be happy with the way you treat/interact with them, then great! Keep on giving. But there is always the risk that we try to give (with good intentions) and the other person does not feel comfortable (for whatever reason). 

If you notice the person physically recoils, makes a disapproving facial expression, or seems uncomfortable, then be sure to ask additional questions to clarify what they are comfortable with and how they would prefer to be treated. This communicates you are willing to adjust your behavior to their preferences.

Ready to start giving? 

Here’s the list…

Note: This list is written to be entirely platonic: these things can be given to anyone, not just significant others or love interests. 

1. Compliments

Don’t just limit your compliments to people’s clothing or hairstyle. Compliment the way someone lives their life, their character, the way they treat other people, their values etc. Any of those things might mean the world to someone. 

Disclaimer:

Compliments are only helpful if they are genuine. If someone thinks you are lying or being disingenuous, then it will do more harm than good. So whenever you give a compliment, make sure you mean it!

2. A Smile

3. An Invitation

Inviting people to things is a great way to help them feel included and valued. Invitations say, “Hey, I want to spend time with you,” and they create opportunities to share experiences. But at the time I’m writing this, we’re still in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic. So, large gatherings aren’t recommended. 

Luckily, there are plenty of ways to invite people to partake in virtual experiences through video game consoles or video calls. Invite someone to partake in a Zoom or WebEx meeting to catch up. Put together a team for virtual trivia. Organize a Netflix watch party. 

4. Space

You can give space in two different ways. You can give someone space by letting them know you will “not take it personally” if they want alone time or time to be silent. (This can help people feel safe and relaxed when they are with you.)

Or, you can give space by being the person to make space. When one or two people take a step back from a group to better include someone who was standing outside of the group, that’s making space.

Making space helps people feel like they are welcome to exist near you by using open body language and inviting actions. For example, if someone walks into a room and seems unsure of where to sit, you might make space for them by moving over on the couch and patting the space next to you (indicating that they are welcome to be near you). 

5. A Thank You

Anytime someone does something for you, and anytime you have something that makes your life easier, verbally acknowledge and appreciate whoever made it possible.

This sounds like common sense, but once we’re used to receiving something, it’s easy to take it for granted. So if you’re looking to give a little more than usual, make an effort to acknowledge the things that other people have done to help you and tell them that you appreciate it. 

6. Quality time

Your time is an asset, and whenever you spend time with someone, you’re “giving” them that time. This isn’t something people need to thank you for, but it is worth a lot. Give your time to people who you enjoy, and when you do, exist in the moment with them.

So many people find this to be the most meaningful thing they could share with anyone, and you have it to give, as long as you’re willing to prioritize it. For a more thorough explanation of why you definitely have time to give, check out this post: The First Step to Sustainable Self-Care.

7. Hugs 

Hugs (when desired by the receiver) are a wonderful display of love. If you find yourself with someone you know enjoys and welcomes hugs, don’t hesitate to offer them, especially if that person seems to be having a hard day. 

When I added this to the list, I thought of all the people who walk around with signs that say “free hugs!” at concerts and other public events. I for one, am definitely the kind of person to enthusiastically take people up on this offer.

8. Recommendations

A very subtle way of giving love to others is to recommend things you enjoy to them. This could be in the form of songs, music artists, books, TV shows, podcasts, movies, you name it. By recommending things, we share the things we enjoy with them. This one is easy to throw into conversations to potentially spark new connections with other people.

9. Letters/Notes

This one can be silly, vulnerable, honest, comforting, communicative, or whatever you choose to make it. You can give little notes digitally or on paper (or if you’re on a beach you could technically use your finger to write in the sand). There’s something about putting something in writing that makes whatever you have to say feel additionally meaningful. 

But if you’re not the touchy-feely sort of person, giving someone a note can be strictly playful. You could write a stupid joke to somebody, or write something that doesn’t have any meaning at all, and it would probably make them smile or laugh. Regardless of what you write, the point is to add one more positive connection with that person to let them know you’re thinking of them. Anything of that nature is an act of love.

10. A Playlist 

This one takes a little more time, and is usually meant for people you are closer to, but putting together a few songs for someone can be a really meaningful gesture. Personally, the best two gifts I’ve ever received in my life were both playlists from people I loved, and every playlist anyone has ever shared with me has been something that made me feel loved, included, and appreciated.

11. Undivided Attention

This one is often paired with quality time. But if someone is talking to you, you can help them feel loved by giving them undivided attention. I sometimes struggle with this one because I have a hard time pulling myself away from my work. But this one might also be the most important thing on this list for the people who you are close to. 

If you aren’t willing to give someone your undivided attention every once in a while, do you really care about them? 

12. A Hand 

Look for opportunities to give a hand. Help carry something when someone’s hands are full, pick something up that has been dropped, give someone a ride when they need it, help out with cooking a meal or chores around the house; do anything that will make someone else’s present moment a little easier. 

13. Assistance with Stressful Tasks

If you notice someone is feeling flustered or overwhelmed, just try asking, “how can I help?” When you offer assistance, keep in mind that another person’s stress can affect your mood (and potentially cause you to feel stressed as well). So do your best to be a wave of calm while choosing to give assistance. 

This way, you can help them come down from their stress instead of contributing to it.

Even if someone doesn’t have the words to tell you what would be helpful in the moment, offering assistance is helpful simply because you’re letting the person know you’ll be available if they need you. 

14. Acceptance 

Offering acceptance is possibly one of the most powerful and loving things you can offer anyone. Because when we feel accepted by others, we feel free to be ourselves with them. 

If you can tell someone that you will accept and support them no matter what they decide (when a choice falls at their feet), it will be freeing, comforting, and reassuring for the other person. 

A great way to offer acceptance is to remind people that their lives are in their own hands. Let them know that you recognize they are entitled to choosing their own way through life, and that they should make that choice based on what feels right for them. 

15. Praise 

The easiest way to give praise for someone’s accomplishments (and yes survival through life thus far counts as an accomplishment!) is to tell someone that you are proud of them. 

A Handy Tool for Giving Love in Impactful Ways

Different people appreciate different expressions/displays of love. So, if you’re giving to someone you already know, then it might be helpful to consider what their love languages are. Some people may appreciate hugs, while others may prefer compliments or quality time, but the only way to really know is to ask. If you don’t know what love languages are, consider taking the 5 love languages quiz to learn about yours!

Don’t Stop Giving

Each of us always has “gifts” to give. And the more we give, the more meaningful our lives will be. So keep it up. Keep this list in your back pocket and bring it out whenever you or someone else could benefit from a little more love. 

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What’s your favorite way to give love? Let me know by leaving a comment below. For more uplifting content, check out some other posts on my blog, follow me on instagram @morgan_barbret, or sign up for the Self Love Atlas Newsletter!

Cheers, 

Morgan Rita Barbret