You Have a Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain
Whenever I found myself frustrated or anxious as a child, my dad would ask, “Are you using your Thinking Brain or your Feeling Brain?”
This was his way of encouraging me to pause and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings and process whatever was going on in my mind.
Surprisingly, most people don’t acknowledge their thoughts on a daily basis, they allow their thoughts to happen to them rather than becoming observers of their minds.
When we observe our thoughts and feelings, we can begin to understand what is happening to us internally. Then, we can manage our emotions and make informed decisions about how to move forward.
In this post, I’ll explain how to use The “Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain” concept to become an observer of your mind and successfully manage your thoughts and emotions.
What is “The Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain” Concept?
In order to manage our thoughts and emotions, we have to be willing to acknowledge both of these voices and reflect on what each brain tells us. Because whether we like it or not, our feelings are always affecting our thinking, and our thoughts are constantly causing new feelings.
While there are portions of the human brain which physiologically produce thoughts and feelings, the “Thinking Brain” and “Feeling Brain” is a metaphor that describes two ways our minds make sense of reality.
Think of the Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain as two voices in your head. The voice of the Feeling Brain consists of all your emotional reactions, assumptions, and interpretations of your circumstances. Whereas the voice of the Thinking Brain helps you process those emotions and interpretations by offering a more objective assessment of observable facts.
Acknowledging our Thinking and Feeling Brains is not the same as experiencing our feelings and thoughts. When we acknowledge our brains, we observe our thoughts and feelings rather than just “having a thought,” or “having a feeling.”
To Acknowledge Both of Your Brains, Ask Yourself The Following Questions:
- What thoughts am I having?
- Do my thoughts seem to be more based in emotions or observations?
- What is my Feeling Brain saying?
- What is my Thinking Brain saying?
- Do my observations and emotions conflict with one another?
- Which of the two voices are most helpful to me right now?
Once we consider both brains, we can consciously decide which thoughts to accept as true/helpful and which to reject as false/unhelpful. Then, we’ll be in a much clearer state of mind to rationally choose how we want to react.
What are the Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain Good For?
The Thinking Brain is great for problem solving. It observes circumstances and gathers the facts of the situation (as well as it can). When we acknowledge the voice of our Thinking Brains, we can efficiently and creatively find actionable solutions to physical problems.
For example, if I get a flat tire on the road, my Thinking Brain might say “the spare is in the trunk, I know how to fix this.” Whereas my Feeling Brain might say something like, “My whole day is going to be off schedule now, this is terrible.”
In the circumstance where I’m sitting on the side of the road and want to get on my merry way, I’d probably be better off rejecting the thought, “this is terrible” and instead choose to act on the feedback from the Thinking Brain.
In contrast, the Feeling Brain is great for developing self-awareness and relationships (including a relationship with yourself). When we acknowledge the voice of our Feeling Brain, we give ourselves a chance to understand our emotions for what they are. And when we understand our emotions fully, they have less power over us. Therefore, acknowledging our feeling brain can help us gain the capacity to express and communicate our emotions more accurately.
Many people (especially men) are taught to believe that ignoring or suppressing emotions is the best way to act as a rational human being. Unfortunately, this isn’t always true.
Feelings usually don’t disappear when they are ignored. Instead, they tend to fester and resurface in unexpected (and often irrational) ways.
For example, if my partner does something that deeply frustrates me, and I choose to try to ignore it over and over again, the frustration doesn’t just disappear.
“If a covered pot boils over, it still boils over”
-Reuven Bar Levav M.D. Author of “Thinking in the Shadow of Feelings”
If I don’t A. acknowledge what my Feeling Brain is saying and B. address it with myself and/or my partner, it builds up. Later, it either comes out in an unproductive way, or it rots in its container, and hurts me from the inside by transforming itself into other negative emotions (such as stress, anxiety, hurt, resentment etc.).
Using This Concept to Communicate Internal Conflict
This metaphor can also offer a way to talk about how our minds can be in conflict with themselves. Once when I was a toddler, I said to my dad, “My Feeling Brain is kicking and punching my Thinking Brain.”
No matter who you are, there will be times when you know something logically, but you don’t feel that it is true. To communicate internal conflicts like this to another person, I often use a gesture. I say “I know _____ is true up here” and point to my head, “But I don’t know that here,” and point to my heart. Thankfully, people tend to accept this internal conflict as normal, because it is. Just because we know something, doesn’t mean we feel it.
Human beings are emotional beings, and if we ever want to be able to understand ourselves, we need to reflect on what we think and feel. The Thinking Brain and Feeling Brain metaphor gave me language to describe my thoughts and feelings. But it also helps me express when my objective thoughts are in conflict with how I feel. I hope it can do the same for you.
What’s something your Thinking and Feeling Brains have said to you recently? Let me know by leaving a comment below. For more uplifting content, check out some other posts on my blog, follow me on instagram @morgan_barbret, or sign up for the Self Love Atlas Newsletter!
Cheers,
Morgan Rita Barbret
