There’s a common misunderstanding that can create a lot of unnecessary shame when we’re struggling: Read on to avoid making this mistake

Sometimes when we’re struggling, we interpret the struggle as a sign that there is something wrong with us.

We think, “If I can’t get myself to do this, it must mean there is something wrong with ME.”

This is a misunderstanding, because more often than not, when we’re struggling to accomplish a task, it’s a sign that we are experiencing a lack of access to adequate support (either from yourself or others) or a lack of tools and resources to help us through difficult times. 

Here’s a metaphor to explain what I mean: 

If someone told you to chop down a tree, but didn’t give you an axe, 

you might say “I can’t chop down this tree, I don’t have an axe.”

You’d recognize that, without the proper tool, the task you’ve been assigned would feel nearly impossible. 

Now imagine you were told to chop down a tree, but your memory had been wiped, so you had no concept of an axe, or a saw, or any sort of tool that could help with chopping down the tree.  

If you didn’t know about axes or other tools, you might believe that you should be able to chop down a tree regardless of whether you have an axe or not. You’d think to yourself “I know other people have been able to chop down trees, so I should be able to chop down a tree too.” and you would do your best to work with the tools you have. 

Once you find yourself unable to chop down a tree with your bare hands (I imagine someone attempting to punch it down Minecraft style), you might find yourself feeling depressed, or believing there is something wrong with you. 

Even if you did your best to punch the tree to cut it down, you’d find not only that it doesn’t work, but that it is exhausting, and also hurts pretty bad.

This is when the disappointment and shame would set in. 

You’d say to yourself, “How awful I am, to not be able to accomplish this thing that is expected of me.”

This is what we do to ourselves when we find a task is harder for us than we think it should be. When we struggle, we conclude that we are lazy, or bad, or incapable. 

When the truth was: you aren’t bad, lazy, or incapable, you just didn’t have the right tools and resources to help you accomplish your goal.

When we conclude that there is something wrong with us because of apparent limitations or incapability, we are forgetting how hard it is to do anything without the right tools or approach.

Conclusion

If you feel stuck, doubt the assumption that it’s your fault or that there’s something wrong with you, because it’s far more likely that you just haven’t yet found the tool/resource/approach that would make it easier and to do what you’re trying to accomplish, while also being compassionate and supportive of yourself.

If you’re struggling to accomplish something these days, one thing that will give you some ideas for new tools to explore and experiment with is Motivation Bingo!

Here’s a preview image of what it looks like without the directions:

This is a short game I created based on the dominant theory of motivation, which encourages players to try out different tasks that have the potential to help you get a variety of psychological needs met (like feelings of capability and relatedness), and therefore increase motivation levels. If you’re struggling to accomplish a goal of yours, consider giving the game a go.

And if you’d like more in depth tools that are catered to your specific goals and projects, consider ​Scheduling a free kickstart call with me, where we can brainstorm a way forward that feels actionable and achievable for you.

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Did this post resonate with you? If so, I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment or send me a message to share your thoughts. For more uplifting content, check out some other posts on my blog or follow me on instagram @morgan_barbret

Cheers, 

Morgan Rita Barbret