If you’ve experienced any form of significant personal growth in your life, chances are you’ve felt “lost” before. And while I’m sorry you’ve experienced such negative emotions, I’m really happy you endured and overcame that feeling. Because without it, you wouldn’t be where you are today. 

Feeling lost is one of the most difficult and frustrating emotions to face because it involves a significant loss of security and confidence. When we feel lost, it’s because we had a clear mental picture of what we were supposed to do, but that clear picture has been smashed to pieces by new information or unforeseen circumstances. 

However, I don’t think being lost is all bad. In fact, I think feeling lost is the indicator of an opportunity to grow. And if we are up to the challenge, we’ll come out stronger and more empowered on the other side of it.

The first time I felt completely lost, I was alone in a bustling French city (Angers, FR), with a dead cell phone and tears rolling down my face.

How did I get there? Well, earlier in the evening, I went out for a couple of casual drinks with some classmates before accidentally taking the bus in the direction opposite of my host mother’s house. Several stops later, all of the passing buildings were unfamiliar. When the horror of my mistake set in, I got off the bus. 

“I am away from everyone and everything I have ever known,” I thought. Sure, the thought was a bit melodramatic, but in every other situation in my life, I had been able to talk to someone I knew if I was confused, struggling, scared, etc. This time, that wasn’t an option.

For a minute, I spun in circles on the sidewalk, desperately grasping for anyone or anything I could recognize. And when my efforts failed, I felt absolutely helpless.

(Mind you, I was still in Angers, with access to the bus routes and maps that would help me find my way back. But that didn’t cross my mind until the overwhelm passed.)

The other initial thoughts I had were completely based in fear and self-doubt: “What if I never get home?,” “I left my country for the first time and now I’m never going to find my way back,” and “I have to be the stupidest person alive.” 

“When you’re feeling lost, take heart. It’s just your brain gathering the information it needs to make good decisions.”

– Josh Kaufman

I was so disoriented that I was tempted to crumple into a pile on the concrete, buried in the chaos that was my life. But right before I gave in to that urge, I thought:

“Well, I either sit here and cry about it, or I find my way.”

With that, the lost feeling dissipated and a wave of calm washed over me. 

I realized I only had two real options (and one of them seemed rather pointless when I thought about it): I could either wallow in self pity, or I could start finding my way.  

Once I had this in mind, the “chaos” suddenly seemed simple, bearable, and even freeing. I took a minute to breathe deeply and appreciate the beauty of the city around me. Then I walked back to the bus stop. Note: Angers’ buses are conveniently numbered one through twelve. So I just needed to figure out which number route would take me closest to my host mom’s house (and make sure I took the bus in the right direction). 

In the end, it only took about five minutes to find my way again. But the calm feeling that came over me was puzzling.

Now, I think that sudden calm (or some might call it peace) was actually an inherent part of overcoming the feeling of being lost. The only way I know how to explain it is that it felt like relief and freedom.

It’s Like Water Skiing

I imagine the feeling of being lost is like that “fight.”

You’re gritting your teeth, barely able to see where you’re going, but if you hold on tight and feel for what’s right, then eventually you’ll be on top of the same water that you struggled so hard through: gliding along, feeling empowered by the fact you held on long enough to be where you are.

In France, once I realized the only options I had were to give up or figure it out. My path forward was crystal clear: I had to fight my way through. To overcome the lost feeling, all I had to do was decide to take action rather than give up or let go. As long as I didn’t allow myself to crumple on the concrete, I was still on my way forward.

It turns out, the “lost feeling” is the middle ground between where we’re going and where we had been.

I like to think that feeling lost isn’t a sign that something has gone wrong as much as it is a sign that we have an opportunity to grow. In fact, feeling lost seems to be an inherent part of facing anything we’ve never faced before. Plenty of people feel totally lost when they first leave home to go to college, when they’re making a career change, when the status of a relationship changes, or when they learn something that conflicts with what they thought they knew.

In any circumstances where we feel lost, it’s because we’ve metaphorically (or perhaps physically) left a platform of security. It feels turbulent and disastrous because it lacks the comfort we had before. But the turbulent space isn’t permanent.

“Feeling lost? Good! Now you get to walk new paths that lead to much better places.”

— Robin S. Sharma

Eventually, if we move through the turbulence, we find our way again. We tend to learn new things about ourselves and grow in the process. For me, going through my turbulent moment taught me to trust myself, and that’s something that would have been difficult to achieve if the circumstances hadn’t forced me to do so. 

When we find our way again, we often feel like we’ve found a better way, A way that is truer to ourselves and more aligned with what we want out of our lives.

So when you’re feeling lost, chances are you’ve already gotten off the bus that was taking you nowhere, and now all you need to do is fight your way forward. Just move through the turbulence until you have an opportunity to straighten your legs and overcome the chaos.

Then, the water will run off of your face and you’ll finally be able to see your new path clearly. 

---

P.S.

I recognize that there is an element of privilege in the perspective that I share here. I was born into a relatively secure place in my life, so loss of security was especially disorienting for me. But many people were not born into relatively secure circumstances. They feel lost often, not because they left some sort of secure platform, but because they never really had one in the first place. This is a very different situation. If you’d like to hear how to deal with feeling lost from that perspective, message me about it and I will work on another post to address it. 

---

Did this post resonate with you? If so, I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment or send me a message to share your thoughts. For more uplifting content, check out some other posts on my blog, follow me on instagram @morgan_barbret, or sign up for the Self Love Atlas Newsletter!

Cheers, 

Morgan Rita Barbret