I was having a conversation with one of my closest friends today when I said, “Thanks for trusting me with how you’re feeling… I take that trust as a huge compliment.” and she said “I haven’t thought of it like that before.” People will share things with you when you make them feel safe to share. And that truly is one of the highest compliments you can receive.

If the people you are close to are very open with you about their feelings, it means that your behavior and reactions within your relationship have given them an impression that you are a safe person to share with.

While I can’t list all the things we can do to give off that “safe” energy here, I’d like to offer three simple ones…

Three Things We Can Do to Make Others Feel Safe to Share Their Thoughts and Feelings with us

1. Use active listening to show people you hear and understand their message and their emotions
   • This looks like reflecting back what we are hearing. For example, “That sounds really frustrating, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that.” or “It sounds like this is really important to you.”
2. Show interest in whatever is being shared by setting aside other distractions (phone, tv, other tasks) and asking follow up or clarifying questions.
   • It’s okay if you don’t feel passionate about what they’re sharing, just paying attention as they share will signal to them that you’re someone who is open to being shared with.
3. React to their feelings without judgment. Instead of trying to fix their feelings or expressing that you think they should feel differently, start by validating where they’re coming from
   • For example, “It’s okay/valid to feel that way”, or “I can understand/see why that would feel ____” )

Many people don’t feel safe to share information about themselves with their parents or with friends because they’ve learned to expect that they’ll receive judgment, lack of interest, or lack of empathy in return.

If you’ve ever felt that feeling, then you already know how much it matters to be someone who holds a safe space for others to open up.

If we can practice these three things, we’ll reduce the chances that we make anyone else feel that way.

Not everyone has a person who has been that safe, judgment-free space for them, and you have the beautiful power to be that for someone.

You won’t do it perfectly every time. No one does, but thank you for working to create safe spaces, and thank you for continuing to practice these skills and develop your capacity to be that for more people.

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Thanks for reading! Leave a comment to share your thoughts. For more content to become a confident communicator and improve your relationships, check out some other posts on my blog, or follow me on instagram @morgan_barbret,

Much love, 

Morgan Rita Barbret (Wojcik)